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Setting Personal Boundaries with Yourself

Writer's picture: jondabjondab


How do you set boundaries with yourself to increase your joy and happiness while decreasing stress?


When we think about setting boundaries our first thoughts are usually about setting boundaries for establishing and keeping healthy interpersonal relationships with others.


Let’s think about the relationship you have with yourself. Setting boundaries with ourselves are about our own behaviors within our limits. It’s about making mindful choices that will improve our lives.


Are you doing things that support your needs or are you doing things that drain your resources?


Time

How much time do we spend dreaming vs doing? It’s important to spend time dreaming and developing your vision of how you want your life to fold out. But it is also important to set a boundary on how much time you spend on setting up your vision and then actually doing something to make that happen. Being present in the moment is better than wishing for a better tomorrow. Set limits on your time for getting started or completing a project.


We know that you can’t please everyone. If you spend a lot of time working to please others, it will scatter your time and energy and cause you to spread yourself too thin.  You will begin to lose yourself. Ask yourself why you want to please others. Is it because you want to help this person or is it because you feel insecure or anxious? Are your actions staying in line with your values? Set a boundary of waiting before agreeing to an action that may not best meet your needs or line up with your values.


When you are on social media, set some time boundaries. Know why you are on social media. Are you promoting your business? Are you doing research? Are you taking a break or just wanting to catch up on what your friends and family are doing? All are great reasons but set a timer or you may soon find out you have gone down rabbit holes that have nothing to do with your original intention.


Money 

Why do you overspend? When you buy that new outfit or piece of jewelry ask yourself why you want it. Is it to impress someone else? Are you trying to one-up someone? Is it because you feel you deserve a reward? Know that your personal value and worth is not connected to the things you buy.


What is a comfortable amount of money for you to spend each month in each category? Set your boundaries and honor your limits. Say no to impulse buying.


Conclusion

 As you work on setting your personal boundaries, be fair to yourself. Be realistic when you set your goals. Know your limitations. The boundaries that you set should improve your comfort level and joy factor; not make you uncomfortable.

And as with any change, work in small increments.  Start with one thing that has been bothering you and when you are comfortable with that change then work on another.

 

If you want more information on setting boundaries, not only with yourself but also with others join Diane Quintina and me for our next class on February 7, dealing with the topic of Boundaries.  We can help you develop a plan to set up your own boundaries so that you have better control of your time, money, and energy.

 

Jonda S. Beattie, Professional Organizer owner of Time Space Organization, and co-owner of Release, Repurpose, Reorganize. She is based in the Metro-Atlanta area. As presenter, award-winning author, as well as a retired special education teacher she uses her listening skills, problem solving skills, knowledge of different learning techniques, ADHD specialty, and paper management skills to help clients tackle the toughest organizational issues. Jonda does hands on organizing and virtual organizing. For more of Jonda’s tips connect with her on Facebook.

 


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Julie Bestry
Julie Bestry
6 days ago

I always think of setting boundaries in terms of boundaries between myself and other people who might encroach on my time, and my mother taught me that at an early age. But personal boundaries regarding what I allow (for want of a better description) other versions of myself (the spender, the stay-up-late-er, the doomscroll-er) is so important. (Of course, I'm writing this at 2:09 a.m., so I guess my boundaries are a work in progress. ;-)

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Linda Samuels
Linda Samuels
Feb 03

Boundary-setting is essential. Growing up, I didn't learn to do this, which wasn't healthy. It took me years to understand what a boundary was and that it was imperative to set them. I am better at this now, but there are times when old patterns resurface.


It's a work in progress.

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