Toss Away the Could Haves and Should Haves
- Jonda Beattie
- Jul 16
- 2 min read
July 18 celebrates the #TossAwayTheCouldHavesAndShouldHavesDay. This special recognition day was created by author and motivational speaker Martha J. Ross-Rodgers. What a great idea!
It’s sad when people get stuck in their past and wonder what they did wrong or what they could have done better. “If only I ….”
Sometimes people dwell on a broken relationship or the trips that they put off taking. Maybe they question their career choices.
Regret can influence your thinking and decision-making ability causing you to make poor choices. When you think about stupid things that you have done in the past it can make you feel that life will always be like that.
Focusing on regret can be a contributing factor to anxiety and depression.
Occasionally I experience minor regret because I left for an appointment later than I intended. I deal with that situation with self-talk. I tell myself that I can’t undo what has been done and make a plan for how to deal with being a bit late.
Altering the past is not an option. It’s important to focus on the “right here” and “right now” and “what next”.
On this day stop with the self-blame and move on to self-compassion.
One of my favorite quotes that I keep on my refrigerator states “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense”. ~ Emerson
Some suggestions for celebrating this day include:
· Write down any lingering regrets – then wad them up and trash them or even more dramatically burn them
· Create a vision board – some inspiration to move forward
· Talk to a friend about your change in heart – this will give you some accountability
· Set some realistic goals that will move your forward – this will give you the feeling of control in your life
Now is the time to let go of the past and live for the present.
If you want some help with any organizational plan, reach out to me or other professional organizers in your area.
Jonda S. Beattie, Professional Organizer owner of Time Space Organization, and co-owner of Release, Repurpose, Reorganize. She is based in the Metro-Atlanta area. As presenter, award-winning author, as well as a retired special education teacher she uses her listening skills, problem solving skills, knowledge of different learning techniques, ADHD specialty, and paper management skills to help clients.
That Emerson quote is something from which I quote all the time! It's so evocative! I'm probably average at letting go of the past, per se; I don't spend much time regretting my own behavior. (I am more likely to regret a future that did not get to happen, but it's rarely a result of my own actions or inactions, as I tend to go after what I want and if I fail to achieve it, I know I've done my utmost. I've been known to stay angry at someone else's behavior causing me trouble, but that's not quite regret.) I've seen so many people ruin their present and their futures by bemoaning the past, and it's heartbreaking because it's like…
I'm a big fan of letting go of the past. I have had clients get stuck with their things, especially journals they were using to work through past traumas. I would recommend exactly what you mentioned above about shredding or burning these to truly let them go from your mind and life. Boy, did that help them feel refreshed and renewed. This process is beautiful to watch as an outsider. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Jonda.
What a great idea for a day - and for a blog post! I often wonder how my life would have been if I'd chosen a different university, bought a different house (or stayed where I was), or followed a different career path, but with more curiosity than regret. At least that's what I've always thought - next time I find myself doing that, I should pay attention to what triggered it - maybe I have more regrets than I realize.
Love that idea from Emerson about starting a day "serenely." I often think God had such great wisdom in requiring that our bodies sleep. It is a built-in fresh start eery 24 hours, which is truly such a gift.
Keeping the stuff that makes you feel guilty only worsens the whole thing as well. It's ok to decide you no longer want to do that project or complete that task. Each day we both can and should evaluate what we are choosing to pursue.
Good advice to follow. You certainly can't change what's already been done so, there's no point in dwelling on it.