When It’s All Too Much
For the past week or two I have been dealing with something that I have not experienced in a long, long time – depression. You know the kind that makes you weepy when even small things go wrong. I felt like things were coming at me that I could not control – sort of like a tsunami. This is so not me.
Fretting that I was out of control and that my depression was adversely affecting others that I felt a responsibility to, I tried to come up with a plan. If you know me at all, you know I love plans.
I brainstormed a list of the main concerns I was grabbling with. I had twelve on my list. I looked at each item and asked myself:
· Is there something I can do to change this?
· If I can’t change it can I change my response to it?
· Is there a lesson I need to learn?
The last question is one that my husband keeps reminding me of. As he has been fighting his battle with throat cancer with all of its ups and downs, he’ll often say that there is a lesson to learn from this experience. My response has usually been, “I have had enough lessons. I should have a PhD in this by now. I want to move on.” Time to rethink that attitude.
Some of the items on the list will eventually take care of themselves one way or another. It’s just a matter of waiting. I am not good at sitting back and waiting so maybe this falls under the “I need to learn this lesson.”
There are a couple of items on the list that I can take actions to improve. It’s just been hard to do that when you feel so bad. I’m on it now, so these will move down and off my list.
Some of the items just fall under that category of “shit happens” so I need to let these items go and focus on all of the things that are going right – and there are a lot of them. I will just focus on them.
One thing I have going for me is that I have a wonderful support group of friends and family. I know that I can reach out to them and they will give me everything that they can if I just ask – and often even if I don’t ask.
As I am digging my way out of this hole, I am offering gratitude to all that is going right.
Today will be a good day!